Lately in certain circles I’ve been really feeling that sense that people aren’t wanting me around. Like I’m not going anywhere but someone has already packed your suitcase for you. You feel like a burden and there’s a deep need to disappear , wanting the ground to swallow you whole. Its a terrible feeling but it’s something our personality type have felt often. We view things a different way, often intuitively, and freak ourselves out (and others!) on a regular basis with the complexity and insight we offer (or awkward silence, or none stop verbal onslaught about something we care deeply about!).
Then contradict that with an intense need to help others, to be wanted, to be understood.. and there you have a recipe for serious stress and anxiety. Delightful.
When deep in your head you look back on situations and people that let you down. It wasn’t always like this, and you mull over every single interaction piecing together how on earth it got this bad. It cuts like a knife when you can tell, purely by a look, or how someone said something to you or about you, that you’re not liked or not approved of. Sometimes you wish you were oblivious to it, that you didn’t read body language or vocal intonations so well. You tell yourself to stop being so insecure and insist maybe you got it wrong, you convince yourself you’re being silly… but then actions follow and your gut was right. Again. Darn it.
For me I love getting to the stage where I’ve pieced it together, discussed it with a select few others I trust… Reflection is key here and there’s always something more to learn, something to try for next time.
Sometimes, the brutal honesty that can come blurting out verbally or written isn’t the best card to play. Sometimes your silence is mistaken for judgement or snobbery. People make first impressions fast and if you aren’t needed right then and there in that moment, or you don’t act correctly in their eyes, there is a tendancy for you to be completely overlooked.
Its especially hard when someone’s “need” of you changes, you build up all this trust and then in minutes it’s shattered and you try so hard to fix it but know deep down you’ve done all you can.
Also, when you’re young and trying to find where you fit in it can involve moving around a lot, meeting new people, saying goodbyes and hellos all too frequently. This can be so draining for us, we all crave a depth of connection that can only be forged with time and yet life can fluctuate at such a pace that at the end of the day you’re left alone. Again. In your own head. Arguably this is true for everyone in this situation of course but for INFJs this feels particularly soul destroying.
So keep it strange INFJs, we offer a unique perspective, dont dwell on misunderstandings and be brave. Odds are people just need a nudge, an explanation, or are going through too much hell themselves to see it. Your inner circle will make themselves known to you eventually. Until then, make friends with yourself, you’ll be surprised how far you’ll go.
As I write this after a particularly bad day wanting to crawl out my own skull the neighbours cat has decided to come purr on my lap. Aren’t animals amazing.
Until next time x